the happy lie

Dear Boyfriend,

You mean the world to me. I’ll shout it from the rooftops, I’ll put it on my blog!

So when you walked out abruptly last night, I thought I should write to explain myself…

While I was single, I’d meet the girls for lunch and they’d tell me how it was going with their men. I was as dull as chips without chicken. I didn’t have any juicy details of hot dates, no anecdotes from romantic get-aways. The girls felt sorry for me, and brainstormed for available men who could make me happy.

My mum thought I was single because I was f.a.t. Of course she didn't say it, she made subtle suggestions about which outfits were flattering. Her intentions were good, she wanted me to have a boyfriend. So I pounded the treadmill twice a week with her encouragement ringing through the headphones in my ears. She said my dad made her happy.

I stayed in every night, looking in the mirror at boring, fat, unlovable me. Hmm kind of depresssing... BUT THEN...

You asked me to be your girlfriend. And everything changed.

I discovered I was exciting when you took me on holiday. The girls looked at the photos wide eyed, I told them about the airhostess and other funny stories from my adventurous life.

I realised I was beautiful when you checked out my ass and threw me a compliment or two. Now when I look in the mirror I like my curves, those gyming days are over.

Sometimes I sound like a broken record - why didn’t you answer your phone, do you still like me? Don't worry, you know I wouldn't be able to live without you!

Thanks for being my boyfriend, and for making me so happy.

I tried to say this last night, but you walked out when I forgot your name.

Yours, A

'This above all: to thine own self be true / And it must follow, as the night the day / Thou canst not then be false to any man.' Shakespeare