February 9, 2009

every morning

damn that snooze button. the alarm goes off and my first thought of the day is sneaky – what can i get away with? an extra 5 minutes, i roll over smugly. eventually the white walls of my bedroom come in to focus. got to get up... why do you get out of bed every morning?

morning after morning, why do you lift your head from that pillow? so that you can go to work to make a difference. ok that was cool until you realised its just a job description, anyone qualified could do it. so now you do it for the money because maybe you want what everyone else wants, are you sure? or do you energetically throw off the blankets just so that you can hook mr. raison d’etre, turn him into your identity, and fulfil your hearts desire?

do you scrub your armpits in the shower and thoroughly brush your teeth so that you can take no pride in your appearance, so that you can make more resolutions to work out and eat lettuce.
do you carefully choose an outfit to look good while you swallow your opinions? do you drink coffee to be fresh as you invest and expect return, love for security, friendship for favours? do you turn the key, unlock the front door get into the car, so that you can forget how your mother screamed when you were born? forget that theres a path and a purpose?

hey hey its all good, you’re cool, no really you’re fine because… you read blogs. you sit here in the eye of the storm, as life’s whirlwind whirls you slowly ponder the questions… perhaps if you ask them in different ways, consider all angles, explore the options, use long words, you might be on the way to the answers.

whos kidding who. you know the answer. i know the answer. the peace that passes understanding. the pastor preaching on exactly what you’ve been thinking about. tears for no apparent reason. fatima gets a job a week after she mentioned she was looking. the friend who came from nowhere. that near-death so slightly averted. the double take when you remember to look at the sky. no clichés necessary you get the point, you know your moments better than i do... those glimpses of harmony prove there is an alternative perspective, a different approach.

you get out of bed, you go to work, you meet your mates, you’re relevant, you’re cool, you talk the lingo, you drink the drink. you are whoever they want you to be, you bend over backwards to fit in, comfort, safety, security… did you actually wake up or is this a nightmare?

remember those dreams don’t you? that taste of rawness, an edge, where people hate you and hug you, laugh loud and swear louder. danger, adrenalin, passion! where you fully inhabit your skin, where you say exactly whats on your mind. where theres no time to surf the net. where you stand for something, behaviour, faith, principles. glorious intolerance.

roll over, press snooze again and again, until you know why you desperately need to get out of bed.


  1. Do we only find raw reality in sleep?

  2. Jess

    At last you have hit the nail on the head with this one...Lifes a whirlwind and I feel like its doing its chaotic thing with me. We try to find meaning, purpose, cling to God, hope, peace etc But in reality if I am truely honest with myself I seem to just end up where the whirlwind of chance takes me and drops me with a bump. (Before you shudder in horror.. yes I am a christian and do trust God but life does feel like its going off ina chaotic blur!)

  3. ...the bit where you talk about "The Answer" reminds me of a sentence in Rob Bell's VELVET ELVIS: "That sense that in spite of everything aweful I have ever seen, we're going to make it". (Have you read it BTW? I think you'd enjoy it).

  4. A tour de force ... especially the latter part of it : ' until you know why you desparately need to get out of bed' ... reminds me of what Eliot was talking about in the 'Hollow men'...

  5. It's either this or that way; one way or the other but not both. Choose sides and, inevitably, choose unhappiness for the one who seeks happiness, must have no permanent abode. As for your dilemma, a bit of Frost might help:

    "I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

  6. Its all about the dough, I would be lying if it was not, gotta bake bread and own my own bakery, I gotta make a fresh batch of cookies right now, baker's dozen anyone? Dollar millionaire 2010 !

  7. indeed! thought provoking passage...begs the question."'how do we find the 'why' that would push us to waking up enthusiastically every day?"..hmmm.


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